El Dorado, Kansas | An agricultural airplane pilot made a serious mistake this morning while operating his aircraft under the influence of alcohol, accidentally dumping his cargo of manure over cars, houses, and residents.
According to the police report, 51-year old Barry Wood had a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.48% when he was arrested, six times the legal limit allowed to drive a motor vehicle and 12 times the legal limit allowed to operate a plane.
He was supposed to spread 4 tons of liquid manure over fields belonging to his employer but his capacities were visibly too impaired.
“So drunk that he had urinated on himself”
He turned in the wrong direction, heading over the nearby city of El Dorado instead of the fields he was supposed to spray, before releasing his smelly cargo.
Residents of the city were taken off guard as tons of liquid manure started raining over the city, causing several car accidents and totally ruining an outdoor wedding ceremony.
Butler County Sheriff’s Office spokesman, Lt. John Fitzpatrick, says the emergency lines received over 900 calls in less than 5 minutes after the incident.
“Everyone was freaking out, complaining about shit falling from the skies, fearing a biological attack from Islamic terrorists or the Democrats.”
The deputies were rapidly able to identify the plane behind the incident and were waiting near the landing strip when Mr. Wood returned from his venture.
“We’re a small community. We knew Barry was a drunkard and we saw him fly hazardously before, so we guessed it was him. But I had never seen him this drunk before.”
Mr. Wood will now face a total of 269 criminal charges, including performing an aviation function while over the prescribed alcohol limit, aggravated assault and criminal damage to property.
If found guilty on all charges, he faces a total of 1235 years in prison and a fine of $2,335,500 and his pilot’s license could also be suspended by the FAA if he is found guilty of flying while under the influence of alcohol.
His trial is scheduled to begin in January at the Butler County Courthouse.