The oldest profession in the world is very much alive and kicking across Lincolnshire, according to eye-opening reviews of the county’s sex workers.
Punters say they have been accused of theft, enjoyed sexual escapades in residential streets and even had their evening interrupted by a phone call from the worker’s mother in a series of revealing online ratings.
Believe it or not, there are multiple websites devoted to reviewing sex workers in the UK – including the likes of UKPunting and PunterNet, which describes itself as the UK’s oldest escort directory and review website.
Like Trip Advisor with a twist, the websites give users the platform to say what they thought of the ‘service’ they received and whether they would recommend it to others.
We’ve pulled together some of the strangest reviews for Lincolnshire that we’ve found online.
But due to the graphic nature of the content – including swearing, descriptions of sexual acts and crude language – we have tweaked the reviews to leave the rest to your imagination.
There were 23 reviews for the Boston area, most of which were for a single establishment in the town.
One reviewer going by the name of Jay.Bee was left unhappy with the “hostile” atmosphere they found themselves in when visiting a sex worker called ‘Chantelle’.
Having paid £60 for an “all in” service, the reviewer was left unhappy with the woman’s insistence at moving things on quickly.
“The atmosphere was verging on hostile,” he said. “The constant pressure and clock watching totally killed the mood. I went to check on my phone and I had only been in the room 12 minutes.”
Describing it as the “worst punt of my 20+ years”, the reviewer said they would not recommend it to anyone else.
However, another reviewer going by a name we cannot publish on grounds of taste, was left very happy with their two visits to the same establishment.
Spending £80 for 20 minutes with one woman and £180 for an hour with another, the reviewer described the business as “safe, decent, clean and friendly”.
Writing about their experience with ‘Paris’, he said: “I think the other reviewer got unlucky or something.
“Paris is a bit special dunno how long she’ll stick around for.”
He was also pleased with the “banter” between the two of them.
One reviewer seems to have had a very unusual experience after meeting up with a woman going by the name of ‘Kim’.
He was left disappointed after paying £100 for an hour but he finished after 20 minutes.
After parking on a cul-de-sac that wasn’t discrete, he claimed that she had faked noises before disappearing after he had climaxed.
He writes that instead of her coming back, her friend returned to inform him that she was occupied by a phone call with her mum.
One reviewer in Gainsborough was left very happy with their experience with ‘Lexi’ at a premises in a quiet street.
They said: “Lexi greeted me at the door with a sexy smile and dressed ready for action, she took me upstairs to the bedroom and offered the bathroom should I want to freshen up.”
They added that after the experience they had a “brief chat” before leaving satisfied.
“If you are looking for a young lady that seems to be very experienced for her age, then Lexy is the lady for you,” they said.
There are 30 reviews for sex workers in Lincoln, 12 of which appear to have been at a establishment claiming to be in the city.
A reviewer going by the name of Jaba192 said they would recommend the ‘services’ provided by ‘Nina’.
Detailing their experience, they say: “Phone call in the morning to arrange the meet. Address detail sent by text. I arrived on time, called as instructed and was let in the door.”
After going into a “very nicely done and very clean” room and completing the required paperwork, they had a very good experience.
“Nina is a real expert and well worth a visit,” they added. “Treat her well, she’s a star!”
But another reviewer, Deepsob1 says they wouldn’t visit ‘Amy’ again after their visit.
They claim to have spent £60 for 20 minutes for the ‘full works’.
They cite reasons such as being “rushed” and call her a “clockwatcher” before giving her a score of 3/10.
Only one review has been filed for the Skegness area.
Wolf705 says they visited ‘Luna’ in Alford in a ‘nice house’ in a ‘quiet residential area’ paying £90 for one hour.
They weren’t disappointed and scored extra points for a cuddle and chat when they finished after 25 minutes.
Spalding seems to be a veritable hotbed of sex worker activity, with 32 reviews found on PunterNet for the area.
Sexy Steve 30 said he had a “fantastic time” with a woman going by the name of ‘Ellie’.
Meanwhile, another punter was left slightly concerned by the accusations he had stolen the camera of a woman he saw by the name of ‘Natasha’.
He said: “Two days after my punt I got a very strange text message from her telling me to bring her camera back that I had supposedly stolen and that her boyfriend was going to beat her up if it wasn’t returned.
“I never stole anything and text her to tell her so. Later on I got another text saying it had been found in her house. Very strange ending. For this reason I wouldn’t go back.”
There were also eight reviews for ‘Emma’ with all reviewers agreeing she was a ‘good punt’.
One punter claims ‘Lisa’ has a lot to learn after their meeting in February 2005.
He said it was a waste of £55 for the 30 minute session.